Colour Rain, Acrylic on canvas, 70x50cm, Jan. 2014, YEJI KIM
I am currently working on 2 paintings of Bluefin trevallies which have a diverse beautiful blue tone of colours depending on light exposure. But on Saturday, I was so unhappy about my work process. In my eyes on that day, I was absolutely not happy with the colours, they were not a Bluefin trevallies with full of live and glance I wanted them to be. I was upset with myself. As I said in my recent post, I told myself, be brave, don´t be afraid of failure, you can only win. But this was not helping me at all at this moment.
I love painting, I could spend the whole day, the whole week with painting but for no reason (or for unknown reason) I tend to be unbearable with my whining when the result turns to be not as I have imagine and I don´t like.
So I stopped to paint, and told myself, I will have long long pause for these fishes and I dived into reading book; I was annoyed that I spend the whole day for nothing.
Next day which is a new day, so with new energy, I began with a new small painting first. I was quite happy with the temporary result of the small work (it is not done yet of course), and I transferred my happiness to the motivation for continuing the fish paintings.
I painted almost the whole day, I am super happy with my fishes now; they are as I have imagined, and as I wanted them to be alive. Was it because I had the courage to grab to more colours or more brush touches (I also did it the day before but I was not happy at all)… or was the problem just in my head?!?
Some days, it just works, some days I feel completely incapable to paint which makes me sad and crazy. I was wondering, am I really the only one, who becomes like Jekyll and Hyde when it comes to painting process/result?? I hope not…